Here I stand ...

This blogpost I really needed to write, it will help you to deal with the negative effect of criticism.
It doesn’t matter how you choose to live your life — whether you build a business or work in an office job; whether you have children or choose not to have children; travel the world or live in the same town all of your life;— whatever you do, someone will judge you for it. It is in our nature to judge those who are different than us. And given the fact that we are all different in some way, your very existence is going to make somebody out there critical of you. 
Just remember that you have a right to live according to your own dreams, values and beliefs and let others do the same. 
Knowing yourself and others plays a crucial role in dealing with criticism. The following course What kind of Nomad are you? might help you.You can download a free lesson here.

​I have a strong belief that criticism more often than not has a very negative effect on people. It is only seldom that criticism serves any higher good, nor does it lead to personal growth. More often than not, criticism is a way of asserting power and social control.
The person criticizing often does so from a position of having their value or self-esteem feeling threatened.
Criticism is about "being right," versus the other person "being wrong," a case and story is built that makes the perspective of the person criticizing "true" and the other person's perspective "faulty."

Criticism is about "being right," versus the other person "being wrong," a case and story is built that makes the perspective of the person criticizing "true" and the other person's perspective "faulty."

​On the other hand it is a very natural response to defend yourself when being criticized. Part of our resistance to react positively to criticism is the way our brains work. Neuroscientists have clearly identified that our brains are fundamentally protective, defensive mechanisms. If your ego and sense of self is threatened, your brain unconsciously will act to protect and defend, either actively or passively. The chance that criticism will lead to change in behaviour or personal growth is there for very small. More interesting is to beware when you have the urge to criticize others.

Reflect on this and ask yourself the question "what is my motivation to criticize others?"
​Below are possible reasons why we criticize others:

• We are threatened by others competence, attractiveness, etc. so we are trying to level the playing field
• We have a controlling personality and have to be in charge
• We feel entitled to special treatment or status and do not feel we are receiving it
• We want to make others look bad so as to advance our own position.
• We are trying to get attention or connect with the other but lack skills, so we end up whining (e.g., kids, teenagers)
• We are testing limits in order to feel more independent (teenagers, young adults)

• We are competing with the other person for status or position or the other person is an obstacle to our goal
• We are trying to put our own spin on a situation to make us look good or minimize our bad behaviour
• We are defending our own actions by pointing out that the other also did some things wrong
• We are trying to shame or humiliate the other, perhaps as revenge or a power play

​For a full list, click here.

Admit it; you are not innocent when it comes to criticizing others. Just like you take it unfairly, you also probably give it unfairly.
The brain is naturally judgmental because it wants to take the easy way out and it takes a lot more mental energy to try to understand someone, than to simply judge them by what we see on the surface.
When you make judgments on other people, cultures, or ideas; you train the brain to become just as judgmental on yourself. You begin criticizing yourself for what you dislike in others. So for your own well being, reduces judging other to the minimum. 
I designed an e-course What kind of Nomad are you? that can help to understand other people's motivations and behaviour. Interested? You can download a FREE lesson here.

Stay positive!
​
With love, 
Sarah