"Only in the presence of compassion will people allow themselves to see the truth". -A. Hameed Ali
Image: Nicoletta Ceccoli
Back from a beautiful first series of workshops by Brenda Davies.
I feel inclined to write something short on compassion. Thank you Brenda for  showing us what compassion is and that compassion is a necessary stepping stone for healing. 
What is compassion? 
Compassion is different from empathy in the sense that empathy is the ability to understand, recognize and feel the emotional state of another or oneself. It has a lot to do with our mirror neurons. While compassion adds the desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another, to take action towards the reduction of that pain. 
​Its’ origins comes from the Latin, meaning co-suffering. To me that can only be completely integrated if we are willing to understand the other completely. It also comes downs to the willingness to look at the other with a different perspective. A perspective that whatever the other does, the person does this with a positive intentions for himself or herself.  Instead of  assuming that the reason someone has done something that hurts you is because they are selfish or unconsiderate, we replace this with the perspective that this persons behaviour serves a purpose for him or herself. 
 
The positive intention behind 'aggressive' behaviour, for example, is often 'protection'.
The positive intention or purpose behind 'fear' is usually 'safety'. The positive purpose behind anger can be to 'maintain boundaries'. 'Hatred' may have the positive purpose of 'motivating' a person to take action. The positive intentions behind something like 'resistance to change' could encompass a range of issues; including the desire to acknowledge, honour or respect the past; the need to protect oneself by staying with the familiar, and the attempt to hold onto the positive things one has had in the past, and so on.

Self-Compassion
To be able to have compassion you first have to be compassionate with yourself. It is only then that you can have compassion for others. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means that you honour and accept your humanness. Life will not always go the way you want it to go. You will encounter frustrations, losses will occur, you will make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition, a reality shared by all of us. The more you open your heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and all your fellow humans in the experience of life. The more you accept this the more you are able to see opportunities to grow and to become the best version of ourselves and all experiences will become fertile ingredients that can help us to bloom. 

With love,
Sarah

"Happiness  is not  the absence of problems but the ability to navigate  them "

source image:   Rob Gonsalves       
 

If happiness was a country what would it look like?
How would you name the capital of happiness?  Who would live there?
Would it be an island, would it have a costline or would it be landlocked? 

Happiness is not so much a state of being, rather it is a never ending ability to navigate through life, not avoiding change and difficulties but rather embracing change and accepting that difficulties are part of life.   

If happiness was a country it would not be a country without problems or difficulties, it would be a country where people use an inner compass called resilience. 
 
Resilience is your ability to get up after a fall.  We all encounter fall backs in life and life changing experiences can be overwhelming, how we react and deal with change is an important factor in experiencing  happiness.  

Different elements can help to stimulate or develop your inner compass of resilience: 

1.    Self-knowledge is an important factor.  Being aware of your reactions when in difficulty and
       knowing your preferred coping mechanism are important factors to deal with change.      
       Asking yourself the right question: Why am I having such difficulty with this? 
       Knowing what you want and what is important to you will help to determine which actions
       to take. 
 
2.     Accept reality don’t fight it. Resilience is about accepting your new reality as it is. You can
        scream and shout about it or you can choose to accept the situation and take action to 
        make something good of it. 

3.    Reframe and choose a different perspective. Looking at your difficulty from different
       angles, also called reframing, is a cognitive ability that sheds new light on a situation
       in order to creatively look for alternatives.

4.    Trust the process. Take appropriate action to deal with the problem and trust the process 
        that things will get better, not by itself but by taking actions in the direction you want to go.
 
5.     Trust in the goodness of the world. Positive attitude towards life, believing in the 
        goodness of the world, embracing support that is out there, are key elements to deal with
        difficulties.  
 

If you want to know more about how to take your life into your own hands, you are welcome to come enjoy the workshop by Brenda Davies on 23/11/2013:  'Creating the Life you would Love to
Live' or on 2 4/11/2013: 'From Then through Now and into your Future'. For more details feel free to contact us:  sarahneirinckx@bloom-cocreation.com
​

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new” -Socrates

 Letting go of my expat life and embracing my new life, is not an  easy one. I realise now that it was more easy to move from one place to the next that resettling in my ‘ home country’. In my latest post I describe that my home country as changed and so did I. Coping with this change and with changes in general, is not straight forward, we all deal with change in our own way.  With every transition, be it changing  jobs, changing countries, a part is about letting go of the old, known and the
other part is about embracing change, the new. 

Before we can embrace change we go through several stages.  Understanding our process can help us deal better with change. The Kubler-Ross research team came up with S.A.R.A.H. This model acknowledging that as people meet with change they generally have the following reactions:

1. Shock
2. Anger
3. Resistance
4. Acceptance
5. Healing

Sometimes one change in your life can lead to different changes,  also on the personal level. If you like some guidance in the transition you are going through or you want to make the most out of the changes you are dealing with, feel free to contact us.