What should I do about the wild and the tame?
The wild heart that wants to be free,
and the tame heart that wants to come home.
I want to be held.
I don't want you to come too close.
I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at night.
I don't want to tell you where I am.
I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me.
I want to be with you.
-Jeanette Winterson -
Painting by Beatriz Martin Vidal (www.beavidal.com)
Most of my friends, colleagues and clients who have had expats experiences when asked to describe the feelings that pops up when thinking back on how it was “the expat life”, say: “it has double feelings”. And that is exactly so, a lot of mixed feelings are involved when living abroad and also upon returning home.
I often refer to that part of me that longed for home when I lived abroad as “the tame” and that part of me that longed to go abroad and to be free as “the wild”.
Having mixed feelings on how you are living your life can cause internal conflicts. It is good to take time to look at internal conflicts, untangle these conflicting parts, name them and ask about their intentions. Allow both parts to be here and give them the attention, love and nutrition they need so they can co-operate with each other rather than fight each other. Feeding both parts will help to solve internal conflicts and so can help you to live a happier life.
Being able to hold two opposite ideas at the same time in my mind reminds me that I am so much more than these two opposites.
We all have parts in us that need attention and need to be fed. Do not neglect these parts of you that help you to become the person you truly inspire to be. Do not be freighted by paradoxes but find the strength to hold both in your mind and heart so both parts can enrich and feed you to become the whole person you inspire to be.
Third Culture Coach
your inner purpose
to outer goals
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